Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
