I need help removing her.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
