help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
