all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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