That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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