I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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