I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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