drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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