So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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