Someone shit on the floor
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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