You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
