well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize