im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
