i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
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i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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