Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
