I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize