I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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