Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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