My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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