I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
