Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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