Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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