i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
