yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
