omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
