every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
