did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
