Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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