About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
