im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
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Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
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don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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