Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
