i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
