Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We're too hungover to prance.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
