end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
