I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
