well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
