i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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