dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
