his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
