I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
