I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
