Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
