who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
