Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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