Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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