nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
