Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
