It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
