So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
