I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
