my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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