why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
