If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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