Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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