You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
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