just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
