No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He? As in you personified your dick?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
