"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
