Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
