I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I smell stomach acid.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
