I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
