Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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