I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
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I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
my liver is dry heaving
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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