If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
