Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
