He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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