Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
