We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
