toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i wish my penis had a tongue
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
