Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
