Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
