Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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