dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
