you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
