laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize